How International Corporations Work

Explained with the Help of Cows

Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

An American Corporation
You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public buys your bull.

A French Corporation
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A Japanese Corporation
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary  cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.

A German Corporation
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

An Italian Corporation
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
So you break for lunch.

A Russian Corporation
You have two cows.
You invent a fantastic all-purpose cow, but don't produce it ‒ just discuss it during drunken conversations at corporate parties.

A Swiss Corporation
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

An Indian Corporation
You have two cows.
You worship them.

 

 

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